Not Afraid to Feel

It's 11:03 am. I'm looking out my bedroom window at the white sky and listening to the rain fall. I'm thinking about what I'm going to do today as my furbaby Sasha is sleeping next to me. My other two babies are also napping. I'm also thinking about tomorrow when I go back to work. It's going to be a rainy day schedule which is the worst! I would rather be on the playground and I'm sure the students would too. I know that we need the rain and I am thankful for it but it makes the day difficult. We will probably put on a movie that no one wants to watch and the volume will be so low that no one will be able to hear it. Besides all that, I will be working the crosswalk in the rain and the bus. Unless, at the end of the day, a teacher opens her classroom for us. It looks like it is going to rain all week. Oh well, I will be thankful for it anyway! 

So, my plans for the rest of the day are to take care of myself. I'm going to put on my yoga pants and workout. I'm going to do the elliptical first. Then stretch. Then a yoga practice. Then a meditation and end with prayer. I've already done a mani and a pedicure so eventually I will do a facial. I'm also going to work on my book. I'm not sure if I want to work on Book 3 or Book 4. Lastly, I need to figure out dinner. Oh, and yes, my house is clean and the laundry is done. Thrills! 🙄

With all that said, I'm going to discuss how I am feeling. It's been a very difficult 15 years. As you already know, I've lost my parents and a lot of loved ones including furry babies. There has been a lot of sadness and heartache. I know that stress does horrible things to ones health so I am on a journey to get my health and my life back together. My normal state of mind is happy and silly. I would like to be that person again. Now, my state of mind is teetering on sorrow and autopilot. That isn't good enough for me! To use a metaphor, it's like a clock that is broken inside. All the pieces are rattling around but desperately trying to find their way back to each interlocking piece. Maybe at the end of this journey, I'll be put back together again. In the meantime, I'm not afraid to feel how I feel and deal with those feelings and find solutions for them. Be with me as I start this journey. I actually officially started on 2-11-26.

My routine is:

Spiritual: I read God's word and pray.

Physical: Yoga, strength, stretch,  meditation and eat good/healthy food+get enough water/tea.

Mental: I read and learn new things.

Emotional: I journal about anything and everything.

Other:

*I write my books because it is important to me to indulge in the things I love.

*I take care of my home and pay my bills 

*Of course, my biggest love next to God are my "kids."

Please, take care of yourself and be who you really are. Love God and take a close walk with Him. One more thing...never be afraid of what you feel!

11:27 am.

Eyes and Ears

Ryder asked me what movies I watch. So, I decided to create a more extensive list of movies, TV shows and music I love/like. I'm sure there is more and I will add them if I think of them.

MOVIES: 🎬

Clue, The Secret Garden (1993), Star Trek (all), Star Wars (all), Harry Potter (all except the 6th one), Letters to Juliet, Only You, Bed of Roses, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Thor (first one), Center Stage (first one), Ballet Shoes, Finding Neverland, Chocolat, Pirates of the Caribbean (all), Benny and Joon, Indiana Jones (all), The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, A Little Princess, Matchmaker, Fairy Tale: A True Story, Under the Tuscan Sun, Secretariat, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, A League of Their Own, White Nights, My Life in Ruins, Chasing Mavericks, The Longest Ride, The Perfect Wave, Soul Surfer, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, The Martian, The Muppets Christmas Carol, Toy Story (all), Pee Wees Big Adventure, The Goonies, Stick it, Big, Beauty Shop, Last Holiday, I Am Sam, Double Jeopardy, Cool Runnings, Meatballs, Groundhog Day, Moonlight and Valentino, Jumanji, Savannah Smiles, The Other Sister, Ghost, The Sandlot, etc...

CARTOONS: 🧸

Scooby Doo, My Little Pony, Star Wars Rebels, Looney Tunes, the Tinkerbell cartoons and all the Peanuts ones (the Christmas one is my favorite), etc...

MUSIC: 🎵 

I love Classic Rock! Def Leppard, Duran Duran, Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, Joan Jett, Van Halen, Enya, Queen, George Michael, Pat Benatar, Boy George, Roxette, Journey, Berlin, Cyndi Lauper, Abba, etc...

I also like Adele, the soundtrack to Airbender, Harry Potter, Narnia, Chocolat, The Secret Garden (1993) etc...

TV Shows: 🖥️

Old classics are the best! Brotherly Love, Til Death, The Brady Bunch (it's so dumb, it makes me laugh), Three's Company, The Golden Girls, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Seinfeld, The King of Queens, etc...

Best DVDs for yoga:

Anything by Rodney Yee!

However and Whoever

"If I am anyone else but me, I will always be second best." Cher Bear.

This is an axiom that I live by. If God made us all perfect just the way we are, then I know that who I am is who I am supposed to be. 

The American College dictionary defines axiom as such-A self-evident or universally recognized truth. 

We are all exactly the way we are supposed to be. We are all supposed to be walking a close walk with God. We are all given eternal life for those that accept the gift of salvation. We all have a home in heaven. With that said, the meaning of life is very clear. We just need to live it. So, I did and I do. 

I always knew I was different. This is something I have felt since childhood and it is still felt today. I can recall numerous times that others have made it known that I don't fit in, then and now. In preschool I wanted to swing on the swings while everyone else played elsewhere on the playground. In the workplace, I don't fit in with my other coworkers. This is something that I have accepted about myself years and years ago. Instead of feeling sorry for myself or feeling bad about myself or dealing with loneliness, I embraced myself and developed the person God made me to be. Since I choose to dive in and NOT be afraid, it has only made me a better person. I want God to be proud of me. It doesn't matter what others think. If I feel lonely, I turn it into something positive. I take that solitude and give it the power to bloom into something good! I take a long walk, I look more closely at nature, I practice yoga, I do a meditation and I say a heartfelt prayer. I thank God for who I am. 

Never be afraid of who you are. Hold tight to everything about yourself. Don't change yourself to fit in. You can lose yourself that way. If you feel like you are fighting to fit into what you think is the most fitting space then you are only fighting with yourself. Don't fight something...that's a clue that what you are doing is the wrong thing. Find the right thing and get on the right path. It's not meant to be scary. It's your life and the path God provided for you. Honor God by taking that walk.

Shout Outs

When I get up at 6:30 five days week, I think about what makes my job special. There are so many people at my work that makes getting up early worth it. I am thankful for each and every one! 

A special shout out to Ryder, Fatimah, Alex, Ariella, Hosea, Azariah, Elijah, Xiomara, Cassandra, Kaleb, Aubrey, Macy, Aimee, Riley, Jade, Liam, Quinton, Payton, Tara, Tonya, Serena, Tracye, Patty, Denise, Elisha, Cathy, McKayla, Maria and so many others!